Is your child nervous about going back to school? Try asking them what they are looking forward to

From next week, schools will start to return for term 1. This can be a nervous time for some students, who might be anxious about new teachers, classes and routines.

Returning to school after the extended summer break can also be a shock to the system. Many children have enjoyed relaxed routines, regular catch-ups with friends and family, and more screen time than most parents would like to admit.

How can parents help anxious children prepare for this transition?

Start by talking to your child

For many children, going back to school is a time of heightened anxiousness. This is a normal and expected feeling – even if it is uncomfortable.

Some children may be unsure if they will be with their friends or their preferred teacher. Perhaps they are unsure about the new topics or subjects they will be doing. This uncertainty can easily lead to anxiousness.

But some children will also be worried about known changes, such as getting up earlier and being away from home for a large portion of the day.

The first thing for parents to do is to understand their child’s apprehension: when they say they are worried about going back to school, what particular things are they worried about?

There doesn’t have to be a formal “talk”. Often, you will get more information from casual conversations, such as on a daily walk or driving to the supermarket.

It can help to frame things in a positive way. Start by asking your child what they are looking forward to or want to get out of their new school year. This can open the door to explore their feelings and concerns.

Validate their concerns

When your child opens up, it is important to validate their concerns. For example, if they say, “I’m scared I won’t like my teacher”. Don’t simply reply, “don’t worry about it! The teachers all seem fine at your school”. This dismisses their concerns and can make them feel more anxious and unable to safely share their fears with you.

Instead, share examples from your own experiences of being nervous and how you managed the situation.

You could say, “when I started Year 6, I had a new teacher. She was new to the school and I was worried she would be really strict. But I gave myself a chance to get to know her. And she was really fun and that turned out to be my favourite year of primary school.”

Without dismissing your child’s concerns, it is important to highlight some of the known positives. You can remind them even though they are worried about having lots of homework or how hard their maths lessons might be, they will get to see all their friends again. Or they will be able to use the basketball courts or library. Keep connecting back to the positives they may have mentioned or enjoyed before.

You could also remind them how finding out their new teacher or studying new topics has been exciting in previous years.

Pick something to look forward to

With your child, identify something to look forward to after each school day or once they reach the first weekend.

This might be committing to go to a park after school or organising a catch-up with their best friend the following weekend. This doesn’t need to be a “reward” for attending school – it isn’t something that can be taken away if they continue to voice their concerns. Rather, it can be a tangible thing for your child to focus on when they start to worry.

Get back into routine early

Start preparing your household early to be ready for school again. Use these next days or weeks before term starts to ease into waking up earlier, having breakfast together, or going to bed at a regular time.

This can help minimise any concerns your child might be feeling about the looming routine.

Implementing a routine similar to previous years will also help your child feel familiar with school again. As a bonus, consistent routines are also linked with helping children feel safe, developing independence and reducing anxiousness.

What can you change?

Also consider what changes you might be able to make to your home schedule for the first few weeks. This could include minimising non-urgent activities after school, to let your child just come home and reset after each day.

Remember going back to school can also be hard for parents. If your child is worried, you may also feel worried for them as you navigate the logistics of starting school again. So be kind to yourself as a parent during this time.

What if it doesn’t get better?

While anxiousness is a normal human emotion, if your child’s anxiousness persists into the start of term, speak to the school or your local GP.

This can identify whether your child needs further support to help them feel happy, safe and comfortable at school – and at home.