4 Tips for Building Resilience in Children

People talk about resilience a lot because it's an important trait that'll take you through the tough times.

However, not everyone grows up to be resilient – or resilient enough to take on challenges as they come. Some people develop resilience late – and for those who don’t learn it, the consequences can be dire and can be manifested in the form of anxiety, depression and hopelessness.

But What, Exactly, Is Resilience?

Resilience is a trait or skill that protects people from becoming anxious and immobilised by fear when they face difficult problems. It helps people to overcome adversity, stress and even trauma – and it’s a critical ability that can be developed during childhood.

Where Does Resilience Come From?

Resilience develops from within and has something to do with what you experience in life. However, you never really know how resilient you are until you face seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

A great thing about resilience, though, is that it’s a quality that children can learn and develop. When children are resilient, they are more flexible, curious, unafraid and able to tackle the challenges the world throws their way.

How to Build Resilience in Children

You can help your children develop resilience by considering the following tips:

1. Talk to your kids about problems and negative feelings.

When your children encounter problems – whether at school, with playmates or at home – let them know that problems are challenges, like puzzles, that need to be solved. Tell them there are easy and difficult problems, and that there are challenges they can face alone and ones they need help with.

Help them understand that problems are part of life and that it’s okay to feel bad sometimes and then move on. 

2. Let your kids know they can depend on you for help.

It’s important for your kids to feel secure, even as they learn to develop independence. They need to know that you’ll be there (as well as others who love them) should they need your help. Tell them you’ll always be there for them through life's ups and downs – whether they're kids, teenagers or young adults.

The reassurance that you’ll be there when they need you affects not only character formation but also your child’s mental health. 

3. Inculcate a sense of responsibility in your children.

While they’re young, nurture in your children a deep sense of responsibility. Let them know how important it is to weigh the pros and cons of every situation they face that requires them to make choices.

Give them simple exercises on decision-making, like whether they should adopt a puppy or buy toys, or in making healthy food choices.

4. Make storytelling time count.

When you read stories to your kids, make time for a short discussion or analysis – in a fun, age-appropriate way, of course. Ask them about how they felt about the story, what they liked about the protagonist and what they think was the most difficult challenge the hero faced. Always follow up with why they came up with those answers.

However simple, these sessions will reveal to you how much your children understand about the story and the extent to which they can relate to certain characters.

Helping your kids develop resilience takes patience and time. But by preparing them to face challenges and providing them with the guidance they need, you'll be nurturing their capacity to overcome difficulties so they grow into independent, capable adults.